breast cancer cancer Uncategorized

Scars scarred me on the inside.

October 30, 2014

Many cancer survivors particularly breast will be photographed topless and be proud of their bodies. Whether they’ve had chunks taken out of one breast or double mastectomy they are proud and aren’t defined by their boobs. Their scars show strength courage and bravery. I see that when I look at their pictures. 

It’s odd because it’s only when a woman is naked one could tell if she’s had breast cancer.  Clothed or even in underwear it would be difficult to tell. But I know, I’m very aware every day that one of my breasts was savaged by a knife and a surgeon.

I don’t look at my body and feel proud I feel horrified that this happened to me in my early 30s and now I have this full on fear of explaining that I have this huge scar and implant where my breast tissue used to be.
Because one day I will have to explain and prepare myself for a reaction and the possibility that I’m not considered as attractive since the revelation or worse reveal.

But, I hear you cry a decent man won’t care about your boobs not looking so great right now; that may be, but people are shallow and you just can’t gage anyone’s reaction- people surprise you.

I thought about being that girl. Taking a picture of how I look. It wouldn’t be sexual it would be the reality of breast cancer.   I want to say I’m not ashamed but im unsure. maybe I’m not but majorly uncomfortable yes.

I have a scar that’s scarred me on the inside too, and no amount of bio oil is going to make that one fade.

When I have my surgery next year I will be parading my boobs at every chance I get to make up for the hiding them away and self loathing.  😂
Of course big boobs in bikinis never have a place for promoting cancer or awareness and I would never think it’s ok to do so.

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