Please leave a message after the beep (and other things I dread)…

July 29, 2015

I hate leaving voicemails. I sound like such a wally. For someone who supposedly has a voice for radio (haha) I hate the sound of my voice sometimes. Answerphone messages are so bloody awkward but alas sometimes you just can’t escape them. 

Anyway this is pretty minor in the grand scheme of life’s worries but it got me thinking about other things I dread, some of them are probably really odd to you but let’s see if you are nodding your head in agreement with any of these:


Small talk

Bumping in to people I have to make small talk with. Ugh! I hate small talk. It’s so forced and uncomfortable. Unless I think highly of you or we are friends or I fancy you (ooerr) I don’t really want to  make small talk with you. I wanna talk big stuff. Debate, talk about how much we love dogs or how much we love the NHS and the 90s. I want to know about your life and want you to want to know about mine. 

I pray that I won’t bump in to my neighbours because they will either ask intrusive questions or make small talk both of which I want to avoid.


Dating has become a chore AND something I dread. This is a shame I know but I don’t know one person who’s having a good time with it right now. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s them, maybe it’s just all a load of shit and I should stay single. ☺️

Losing my phone. 

I always lose my mobile phone. I’ve lost it In taxis on trains, in Barcelona (it was stolen and in America too bastards)!  I constantly live in fear that I have lost my phone. My last phone contained a lot of naked pictures, not ones you send to a guy, they were just for me when I had my reconstruction so I could look back on them.  I never delete photos because I’m lazy, so someone in America has now seen the whole shebang and probably laughed with his friends about my weird boobs 😟😳 but admired my amazing vagina. Haha joking! (It’s nothing special).

People at my front door:

When people knock at my door I panic. I hide and peep out of the window. I hate people coming round unannounced. I get very anxious and need to plan in advance. For this reason I detest door to door sales people/charity fundraisers. I just want a quiet life. Once I’ve shut my front door I want peace and want to be left alone. It never happens though! Grrrr.

So… I hope my list of dreads has amused you. Dread is just an irrational fear really. 

Oh I almost forgot. The worst one of all!



I dread this more than all the above put together. It’s just not an option and cannot happen! Ever!

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