Over the last few days I’ve been thinking about how addicted I am to talking reading and writing about cancer. It’s literally taken over my life. I don’t feel bad about this because it’s seemingly normal. It’s not yet 18 months since diagnosis so it’s relatively early days with regard to the shock factor.
There is no time limit on moving on and people say you never truly forget about it, but when it starts making me feel like I’m only just keeping my head above water or it starts making me feel sad and drained I need to give it a rest.
I know there are people who devote their whole lives to promoting cancer awareness.
I am passionate about it and always will be but I would like to have days where I don’t talk about cancer.
I follow so many people on twitter who have been or are going through it so I cannot escape it. I get involved in debate and I read things which rile me; because these people have no clue what living with cancer is like. I want to try and get the misinformed to attempt to understand but very few are able to do so.
I really want to move forward with my life and today I made the decision to have a break at least from reading about it and interacting with others via my social media platforms.
Cancer is part of me but that’s not what I’m all about. I have other passions and interests- so many, they’ve just been put on the back burner a bit.
I supppose I’m scared of leaving it behind because it’s all I’ve known for so long. Checking in with everybody makes me feel safe, like riding a bike with stabilisers when I was a little girl.
Taking the stabilisers off and learning to go it alone on the long road without support is a daunting prospect.
But there’s one thing I am and that’s a tryer, and I know I am so much stronger than I think I am..