Lately I am overwhelmed. Not in a bad way. In a surreal what the fuck kinda way. Everything is so different from how it was a year ago. Who knew that cancer opens all these windows and doors of opportunity?
Last week I got promoted at work. It’s taken me 30 plus years and grade 3 breast cancer to say now Ill be doing a job that I love. That sounds a tad dramatic but it’s the honest truth.
Life is travelling at 100 miles an hour, but it’s exciting and it’s keeping me busy. I barely have time to think about my own cancer.
I feel really safe and looked after by my friends family and also at work. Certain people make me feel very safe and I gravitate towards them.
Sometimes they don’t need to say much but it’s just an aura they give off. It’s strange, I struggle to explain this one. Maybe you can understand?
Before I often felt like I was doing this cancer thing all alone but I don’t feel like that anymore. Maybe it was partly my fault and I didn’t let anyone in? We don’t really know how we come across to others especially when we are in emotional distress and not quite ourselves.
Last night I cried. I can’t remember when I last cried. I said to my friend “I’m crying and i dont know why?”
“it’s called happiness.”
I realised he was right. I was crying because I was feeling actual joy. There is perhaps little more lovely an emotion felt than when you cry and smile silmultaneously.