The best thing about honest blogging particularly after an emotional trauma is that you get to look back and see how far you’ve come. Sometimes you need to have bad days to really appreciate the great ones.
I haven’t blogged for a few days because things have been a bit tough. The tablets I take mess with my hormones so my moods and emotions are a little erratic sometimes. I need a little patience and understanding and sometimes I feel I’m not getting that.
So Friday evening things came to a head. I don’t think alcohol helped my cause either. The poor person with me was so kind and became a literal shoulder to cry on. Crying is embarrassing and totally fucks up your eye make up. Anyway it happened and it was quite cathartic and probably long overdue.
Constant bickering with my dad has been stressful. I’m sure he thinks I should be over it all by now and like most, struggle to understand the emotional impact of cancer. I want him to encourage me from time to time and not be so overtly critical. He finds it tough to show any emotion like many men, and without my mum around I often feel unsupported. It’s not personal, I know. it’s just how he is after 60 + years.
I often wonder why I generally attract the same kind of men in my life with similar traits. It’s no coincidence though. Psychologists say that we marry our parents. It sounds so bizarre but all the negative traits in your mother or father, all the things that you didn’t get from them growing up are generally present in your partner. We want what’s familiar and what’s comfortable.
Which leads me to a final thought. Just because some people find it hard to be open with their feelings or can’t show affection, it’s no reflection on you.