breast cancer cancer remission Uncategorized

Am I invisible?

September 30, 2014

I feel weighed down by everyone’s problems.

Why is it whenever you tell someone you had cancer they tell you about their relative dying of cancer and how hard it was for them? I know it’s hard and tough I empathise.
But, I can’t always be your therapist. I’m going through my own problems right now. It’s not that I don’t care I really do care but it makes me feel sad and overwhelmed at times.

I am ok mostly but it’s still relitively new, still raw. I’m years away from the remission status i desperately crave.
I can’t be there for everyone. Yes I can do it at work it’s my job, yes I can be there for my friends but not everyone all of the time.

I don’t want pity nor do I want to date people who are dismissive and don’t want to talk about it. “Oh let’s not talk about it its too sad.” Oh really. Well yes it was sad but I would like to talk about it sometimes. It’s a process. How can I get to know someone if they don’t want to know my story?

I wonder if I’m  invisible because everyone around me seemingly thinks I am.
I am one to go to with problems but I never feel like I can go to many with mine.

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Furthermore I  make mistakes.
I fuck up like everyone does, perhaps more so since everything turned shit,  but people seem to make no allowances. It’s like they are aware you’re hurting but refuse to want to make things better, I guess because of pride I don’t know.
It’s always up to me sort things out and I’m tired of it.

These are all minor things but minor things add up.
I’m sensitive to things becauseI’m learning to live again with confidence in myself and my body.

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