Ask anyone and they will tell you that I pretty much avoid being vocal about my cancer I mean verbally of course. I’m proud, and any I just don’t see that anyone can help me really. What can they possibly do about my incurable disease?Perhaps they’ll even upset me-say the wrong thing? That would be the worst, believe me, people say the weirdest things when you’re dying. What is the point in living a short life being upset all the time? then I recently I started to let people in, because turkey wanted to be there I suppose, they could feel I was suffering and struggling with this disease which evidently I’ve been living with for nearly five years now!
Well; I lately I took a chance- I let a couple of nurses in who dealt with secondary cancer, and terminal illness. Even now, after all these years saying I have a terminal illness sounds strange- alien to me almost, and just plane bizarre. Then I went one step further and spoke to a hospice. They came to visit me and we talk about the future. They tell me that everyone is going to die, I’m just talking about it earlier and having some time to plan.
Most don’t realise that hospices aren’t just for the dying and palliative care. They are also they are there for you to be brave and grow in confidence, and yes you will will eventually die but isn’t it better to feel looked after and familiar with people who deal cancer day in day out? The nurses won’t give you false hope, but they won’t dismiss all your views and thoughts either which I was surprised at- it’s all pretty balanced i kind of wished I’d started earlier. They l will support when you feel like you’re on your own and your goals seem almost impossible to achieve-they believe in you .Yes it means a lot to have people on your side when it seems like your world has fallen apart,
I’m urging those people like me who are private and need to always be in control to give it a go, because you may be surprised. I’m referring to St Christopher’s Hospice which is local to me, but there are many others near you which are equally as good. My nurses have given me help and hope and made me laugh when I thought I wanted to cry.
Now I’m not saying change who you are, some of us are private quiet people and hate asking for help, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t move the goalposts a little and try new things, try and enrich your happiness and confidence.
From here on in I will no longer be scared of words palliative and hospice because they’re just words, that’s all they are-words. As long as I’m still alive and breathing and having support them I’m doing ok- I’m living my life and isn’t that as much as we call all be doing? X