Everybody wants to be liked by everyone. It’s just a whole lot easier isn’t it? The trouble is, if you have a personality like mine, for every person that loves you, someone, somewhere, will most probably hate you, and there doesn’t even have to be a valid reason. People will hate you because you’re more attractive than them, because you’re successful, because you’re talented, but often people hate you because they are insecure and you remind them of their faults and weaknesses.
Since I’ve had breast cancer, I’ve kept my oldest friends, made new friends, and fallen out with many acquaintances and strangers online. Why? Because I’m very vocal and I have opinions. I’m a nice person capable of having a friendly debate, but if you cross me or hurt my feelings for no reason, I will usually retaliate and hurt you right back with my vicious tongue. I do not tolerate nastiness or bullies, and nobody frightens me. Sometimes there’s no hate and we’ve drifted apart- you were not as good a friend to me as I’d hoped. There’s no hate there, in fact I’m indifferent to people very quickly. That’s the thing with cancer, everything moves at such fast pace I don’t have time to feel sad or dwell on past friendships.
Now I wanted to talk about the strangers that hate. There’s been a few occasions where I’ve fallen out with other ladies with breast cancer online because of my opinions- I don’t feel that I’ve got to where I am today by being negative or talking about death all the time- but some ladies want to talk about that. It’s not for me though. When I wrote about this topic on my blog, there was some hate directed to me from one community, one lady in particular. I was merely writing my private thoughts on my own blog- something that helps me grow and survive, but someone took everything I wrote as a personal critisicm. Ladies with stage four cancer including myself can be very sensitive and scared and the fear can come out in anger, but all everyone is trying to do is stay alive and enjoy their short lives-it’s actually quite sad really that sometimes we are mean to each other and dislike each other, but like all women you can’t always get along with people just because you have breast cancer in common. We all have very different personalities, or sometimes, and this is a secret admission nobody probably wants to admit to but many of us are so similar- vocal, passionate, strong, advocates, that we often clash.
Yesterday I went out with an old friend and she posted a photo of us on Facebook. This woman, I’ve never met in my life made a comment on Facebook “Ughh (meaning I’m disgusting perhaps) she’s a nasty bitch!” I mean would you take the time to write a nasty comment about someone who once followed you on twitter, you’ve never met in person? No. It’s not normal behaviour and it’s extremely spiteful. For around five minutes I did question myself if I was nasty? But I realised that this woman was just projecting all of her traits on to me. As my real friends reminded me there will always be haters when you have a personality, and why would I dampen myself down to have the personality of a soggy lettuce leaf for anyone?That’s not me! The funny thing is I was completely indifferent to this woman, I wouldn’t have even remembered her name until yesterday, but she’s been spending her time hating me while I’ve been living an amazing life, achieving great things. I actually feel quite sorry for her.
All I can say is, if you’re a bit marmite, then just concentrate on the people that love you. If you’ve never fallen out with anyone or exchanged a difference of opinion, are you a people pleaser and is that the way you really want to live your life? Falling out with people or making enemies means you stood up for something and you were brave to go against the crowd. And to all the nasty people- show them compassion not anger because something clearly hurts them so bad that they need to lash out, be bitter, and try to hurt strangers. These people are broken inside and insecure which makes them lash out without justification. It takes a bigger person to have compassion for these kind of people- and that’s something I need to work on instead of retaliation.
Remember that others opinions about you are not facts. No matter what anyone says about you, your friends and family still love you, and most importantly of all, nobody knows you better than yourself and if you like yourself then you’re definitely doing ok!
Love Caroline x